Willie Tun: While growing up, I rarely saw my mother in person since she was never home after I returned from school. She was busy pursuing a degree in education at night school in hopes that we could finally escape our horrible lifestyle. In the meantime, my brother and I learned to cook and take care of ourselves since my mother simply did not have the time. However, my mother eventually earned her degree and acquired a position as an ESL teacher....Show more
Loise Mausser: You should take a thesaurus and add some vocabulary in your essay, and try to replace the words you repeat. Also try to pass messages without bragging, universities will prefer if you look more modest than if you think you are the center of the universe. I personally think it would look much better.
Vita Moodie: Though my talent and abilities widely contribute, my background and life experiences have contributed far more towards my diversity. I have had a far more different upbringing ! than that of the average applicant. I was born into a poor family, only to have my father abandon my family a few years later, leaving my unemployed mother to take care of my older brother and I. Though we made ends meet with welfare checks and food drive donations for a while, my family suffered a great deal as we spent every moment searching for any opportunity to earn enough money to afford the rent at the end of the month....Show more
Donald Caravalho: Once I entered my junior year of high school, my father had finally contacted me after ten years, only to inform me that he had remarried and that I have several new stepsiblings and half siblings. The same year, my mother had also remarried another man, and I struggled with adapting to the feeling of having a father again. At first, I thought that I would have been happy to have a father figure present as well as more siblings, but I hadn’t realized how drastic the changes really were, and in the end, they we! re quite overwhelming and even caused my junior year grades to! slip....Show more
Kiersten Clayburn: Honestly on a scale of 1-10, I'd give you a 4 or 5. You have couple of run on sentences, couple comma errors... etc In the begninng, you sounded kind of boastful. You also dont have abundant amount of unique vocabs.
Dewey Heersink: Your essay overall was okay, the beginning was great but too much use of "diverse/diversity" is in your essay.
Tobie Oshea: Though my upbringing was harsh, I would not have changed a single detail about it if I had the opportunity to do so because it has shaped me into a diverse individual and has taught me to always have a positive outlook on life especially since I have seen first-hand that if you work hard, you will succeed one way or another. My upbringing has also taught me to never give up in any case especially because I am perfectly capable of doing absolutely anything that I set my mind to....Show more
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